It’s a carefully cultivated and squeaky-clean image that over the past several decades has generated mass audience and advertising appeal: think Jell-O and the Cosby Show. I was even a big fan of Fat Albert, – all a testament to the comedic genius of this legendary showbiz figure.
So it’s sad to see the current controversy envelop one of America’s favorite TV dads and one of the industry’s most enduring pitch men.
I don’t want Bill Cosby to be guilty of recent accusations of drugging and sexually assaulting or raping some two dozen women because I have always been a big fan of his and his public persona.
I don’t want him to be guilty – but that’s quite different from I believe he is.
Mr. Cosby cannot be prosecuted because of statutes of limitations and therefore cannot be found guilty in a court of law. But he is guilty in the court of public opinion. There are just too many cases, some of them going back decades; most of them very credible and without anything to gain monetarily and, some cases have been settled out of court.
The most compelling of these allegations is from Beverly Johnson, a model & actress who was the first black woman to appear on the cover of Vogue magazine. In a recent Vanity Fair piece she said she was being considered for a role on the Cosby Show and when she met with Cosby he insisted she have a cappuccino. When she realized he drugged her, she called him an M/F and he then escorted her downstairs and into a taxi cab. She escaped being raped but he did try to grab her during an acting exercise.
Ms. Johnson’s story was very credible. She is a dedicated professional who comes from a good family. She was poised, articulate and stated her case intelligently. Asked why she waited ‘till now to tell her story, she said, “Hearing the other women’s stories gave her the courage to come forward.” Stories like these cannot be easily dismissed.
As someone who has been victimized throughout my life, I want these women to know I believe them and I know what it feels like to be drugged and rendered powerless. In my case I was violently assaulted, suffocated with saran wrap, beaten, and my life and that of my son’s was threatened. I still don’t know to this day if I was raped or not, but what I do know it has affected my ability to have a healthy intimate relationship. All of this by someone I knew!
The question always comes up; why now? Why did all these women wait so long to tell their stories? There’s a lot of shame with sexual abuse and therefore there’s a reluctance to come forward. But speaking about it is a big step towards healing and rebuilding; towards thriving and surviving. So it’s part of the healing process.
Just one look into these women’s eyes, and I can see the pain and shame they’ve gone through. It’s hard to hide. I not only believe your stories, I stand by you, I am here to listen, support, and to provide hopeful healing through the organization I founded, Crime Survivors. www.crimesurvivors.org
A lady on TV said we should leave Cosby alone, that we are ruining his legacy. But what if it happened to her, would she feel the same? What if it happened to her sister or mother or daughter? Would she still feel the same? What about their legacy? Victims don’t choose to be victimized; we didn’t wake up one morning and say, “I think I’ll be traumatized today.” Or, “Gee, let me get beaten and raped today.” As survivors, we must stand up, talk about it, share it, learn from it, and hopefully be able to come out stronger from the experience. After all, we have a unique experience. That will be our legacy.
As for Cosby himself, the comedic genius will always be there – but unless Mr. Cosby comes out with a formal and public statement explaining all these accusations, I believe his legacy has been, and will continue to be tarnished. And the squeaky clean image is irreparably damaged. I doubt very seriously that he will speak. He has spoken only through his attorney and has personally offered denial during his stand-up comedy stumps.
I want to take this opportunity to invite Mr. Cosby to a one-on-one interview with me. The basic format would be Q & A that would give him an ample forum to give his side of the story. I want him to show me why I’m wrong in my belief.
On a separate occasion, I would also like to host a roundtable discussion with some of his accusers. As a survivor of attempted murder, I can share valuable insights and bring my unique blend of hope, optimism and survivor skills to the discussion.
With Passion & Hope always, P.W.
Evil with a Nice Face
The two Faces of Cosby, the left one for external consumption and the right one his true internal self reserved for his victims?
Illustration by PJ Loughram
I loved your latest essay, as I have been following this Cosby case with great interest. I, too, am thoroughly convinced of Cosby’s guilt – not only because of the credibility of his accusers; but because his response (or should I say non-response) is the classic denial of a psychopath. If he were an innocent man, he would be “freaking out” all over the place, proclaiming his innocence, meeting with the women and their lawyers, hitting the spotlight to discuss it for his public, and wondering how the victims were all so convinced about what happened when he knew it wasn’t true.
But that hasn’t happened. Instead, he’s just trying to discredit very credible people, his victims. I don’t know if you heard, but another woman, the wife of prominent film producer Alan Ladd, Jr., has also come out to say when she was 21-years old, Cosby raped her, too. Like Beverly Johnson, she’s a wealthy Hollywood doyenne with nothing to gain by the admission, except peace of mind.
Additionally, if Cosby were innocent, all those in the entertainment industry who have known him for up to 50 years would have jumped rapidly to his defense. But that hasn’t happened either; as a matter of fact, most in the entertainment industry have come out saying he’s most likely guilty, and that they have known about his arrogant, peculiar behavior for years. But no one did anything about it. They never do when a big money-maker is involved.
As for myself, I, too, lost my career at NBC when I was only 25-turning-26. It was not to Bill Cosby and it was not physical assault or rape, but it was protracted emotional and psycho-sexual abuse on the job. The man in question was also a big money maker for NBC and I absolutely worshipped him. But he was an alcoholic and a drug addict and thin, skinned, arrogant, and extremely cruel. After months of abuse, he had my job record falsified, had me fired, and made sure I was blackballed from the network. Sadly, I did not survive the emotional assault and buried my career path, my career history to that point (four amazing years), and my career and performing aspirations. I became physically ill and wound up in the hospital, and when I came out had trauma avoidance, although I didn’t know that’s what it was at the time. Who did back then? I simply lost all motivation, went to work at something that meant nothing to me, but I did get lucky: two years later I was able to pull myself out of my depression and through something else that I loved, get back at full energy, but in a completely different aspect of the entertainment industry.
I compartmentalized everything and buried what happened for close to three decades, until a bizarre series of triggers made it all come back in Technicolor PTSD detail, and I had a major “implosion” in 2010. I guess you could call it a nervous breakdown, because there is no other word to describe it, but because I am a writer by profession, I started immediately working through it by working on a book about it. It’s a long, involved project, but I am determined to finish it in the next few years. And because I can never get back what I lost, I’ve also had to rekindle those performing aspirations, but three decades later in my late 50s.
While I’m not publicly ready to discuss it, yet, but when my book is ready, I certainly will be.
I applaud the women who have spoken out about Cosby and I can attest there is nothing unusual about their waiting so long to be able to face the emotional awakening they are now going through. I only wonder how many other women Cosby drugged and raped, especially young starlets, who did not make it. We will never know how many suicides he caused, or how many turned to drugs or drink or pills, or how many others who may have expired before their time because of what he did to them.
By the way, in 2007, my abuser was in the news a great deal, but my psyche was apparently still not ready to revisit anything that happened. So instead I became physically ill again. To this day, I carry that debilitating condition: a spasm in my esophagus that comes and goes, makes it difficult to swallow and speak, irritates my throat, and terrifies me that someday it might turn into esophageal cancer. And, I had no idea at the time what it was caused by, and didn’t make the connection for another four years.
So Patricia, keep fighting the good fight. Keep speaking out about abuse and assault and the inexcusable behavior of bullies and brutes everywhere. If I can do anything for you on the east coast, please let me know. You have an important voice … keep using it!
In 1974, I was raped by a man I had known for several years at a college party. I had no idea at the time that someone could be raped by someone they knew. I went on like it never happened. But my tarnished self image put me at risk for bad relationships with men for years. Forty years later, a client that I was assisting reported a rape. Suddenly, the rage I had felt poured out, and I looked up the man’s criminal record. It included domestic violence. I hate the fact that he is still walking around with no consequences, and that probably I was not the only woman he attacked. But now, I am at peace with myself, and I know that I no longer need to put up with poor behavior from men in relationships because I am not worth anything. I am finally fighting back. I am so relieved every time I see the news and recognize that colleges are taking this problem seriously, and that there are now public awareness campaigns going on that assist both potential victims and warn perpetrators of this crime that there will be consequences. Thank you for sharing your story.
Some Input and Comments I am receiving…
Nameless
I am afraid to make a conclusion because these allegations are verbal and no physical evidence is currently present. However, I am suspicious and the large number of allegations makes me believe something must have occurred. As the old saying goes, where there is smoke, there is often fire. This is a tragedy either way.
Patricia
Nameless, did you read my blog and if you can also post your comment there. Yes, we are all hesitant to speak up, judge or come to a conclusion to soon because we are only going off of what the media releases, but I waited long enough, too long and too many victims and I know what I know and it is in the eyes and if I don’t speak up, I need to retire my position in helping others. If I am wrong, I will apologize, and seek forgiveness, however that is very unlikely, I see it in the eyes and feel it from the heart and soul! I lived it, I know it all so well.
Nameless
I did read it. Im just saying how I see things. At this point I dont know what to conclude. Like you I hope and pray for all parties involved that these terrible incidents did not occur. More for the victims of course.
Nameless
Shame on you Patricia, you should wait before casting judgement.
Patricia
Nameless, how can so many be wrong and making up such stories and please with all do respect, I live it and some of the things they have stated, I know all too well and I never made up anything, so how would they know and again if I am wrong, I am willing to take this chance, because I cannot imagine not supporting someone that is in need or in such pain. I want everyone and anyone, no matter what they endured or are suffering that they are not alone.
Nameless
As much as I would like to accuse and throw the guy in jail. We live in the USA and supposedly we are innocent until proven guilty. It’s sad to think that these things happen. I am sure something went on, whatever it was we do not know for sure.
Patricia
Thanks for responding… Yes, we will never know because we were not there, but we should support the ones that are in need of our help and support, no matter what happened or didn’t. I agree with you, but sadly in the USA we give more rights, help and support to the accused and not the ones hurt and traumatized. And. even when proven guilty, we still cast shame and blame on the victim, it is the reality.
Nameless
Hi Patricia, Thank you for dealing with this controversial topic. In my 40-year work experience, if even 2 women come forward, there is definitely something going on. The problem with celebrities is that the public wants to believe the fantasy so badly, they will disregard anything that might tarnish it. Naturally, the result is that victims are shamed, vilified and disparaged. These 2 dozen-plus women have nothing to gain and everything to lose, yet their truths compelled them to come forward.
Your piece was extremely well-written and insightful. Thank you for everything that you do for those who have been harmed by others!!
Patricia
Thank you so very much for taking the time to open my email, read my blog posting and especially for responding and relating, understanding and even agreeing. I am catching a lot of negative comments, but what’s new, I should be used to it by now and I just couldn’t remain silent anymore, otherwise I would need to retire and go to work at Mc Donald’s. 🙂 I am honestly sick and tired of our communities shaming and blaming victims, even many that have been victimized themselves. I am only one voice, but mine matters and I am not afraid anymore to speak my truth and to support ones that have been traumatized or hurt and if they feel this, no matter what happened or didn’t, we owe it to them to listen, support and stand united together. Thanks for your kindness, support and again for taking the time to respond to me, means everything. God Bless you for all you have and continue to do, you are truly a blessing and special gift! Hugs…
Email sent to Patricia:
Why are you talking about it “victimization”, you keep talking about your personal and others victimization? Don’t you realize some don’t want to hear it all the time and isn’t it keeping you stuck and sad and angry and wanting sympathy from us? Don’t you think you should keep the “victimization” quiet? — Patricia’s Response: Haven’t responded yet, breathing and wanting our followers and other survivors response, prior to responding. What do you think???
Comments from others and Patricia’s is below theirs…
Stephen You are a woman warrior keep it up!!
Sacramento Chapter Pomc If whoever sent you the message doesn’t want to hear what you have to say they can just unfriend you. It is their choice. There are a lot of victims who are helped by support groups online and we appreciate everyone who makes the effort to understand what we are living with and tries to help us deal with our grief. So from one support group to another keep it up there needs to be more voices for the victims not less.
Anna T First of all, who the heck is this that feels the need to tell somebody who has been Blessed to become an Empowered Speaker & Encourager to not speak about ANY of it? I personally am now beginning to Become a Fierce Leader over a National Group that provides awesome, loving, support and a listening ear to Victims of all kinds. You ought to respond the way you know, which you & I both know resembles what I would say, Dear Patricia Wenskunas. What a bunch of crap this response.
Anna F We need someone to share stories of those who have died from homicide, unsolved cases, those who are affected by violence and support the families of those who cannot speak because they are dead…. Murdered, or those families traumatized, many for life, who can’t do it themselves. I thank Patricia for the countless fundraisers Patricia has given to victims for free and shame on those who have taken advantage. Yes, she doesn’t stop talking about victimization, no matter how she conveys it and maybe this person from the email, is tried of it. You may want to suggest some ways of doing it different. Instead of being just tried of hearing it, be pro active. I am sure Patricia would appreciate it. In ten years my child’s killer and the killer of 2 others and attempted murder of 3, will be release from prison without a parole hearing. I can guarantee he will kill again and it doesn’t matter if you live in L.A. or Orange County. I cannot fight the system on this one. I need the help of legal consultation. Emailer, can you help me with this? Patricia cannot do it all. Thank you emailer and I hope you will help those who have to live with victimization and homicide. http://www.annadelrio.com TERESA’S MURDER – http://www.annadelrio.com
Stephen You are a woman warrior keep it up!!
Gwennie Well, by talking about it is healing. Sometimes you never know if your reaching someone out there who is currently being a victim. Yes we are survivors but we all have wounds. Alot longer than the visible ones, we have the ones that are mental. You are also in control of choosing how you view things. People who have gone to war have battle stories, so do we, they have PTSD, so do many of us. So would you ask our veterans to stop telling their stories, well we were at war, many times silently and then not so silent, so why would you ask us to shut up. Wounds are wounds.
More comments from last comment:
Tauheedah I am so proud of you all and the platform you provide for all of us to speak out, speak up and have a place to be heard. Please don’t change a thing because as we all know if we don’t like something we see posted then we are FREE to go on to the next safe, quiet, submissive, tolerable post down the feed…. thank you for sharing…”next!!!!!!?”
Carmen I thank u all and no I’m not alone or some freek insect I’m strong and a loved women with awesome kids
Carmen Well said
Cameron “Thank you for your input.” As a nonprofit leader, I would not get enticed into a inflammatory, dead and conversation. Let the person vent and move on. Besides, we can’t always get everybody to agree with us, there is often some value in the dissenting voice.
Ivette It is good to share your story and talk about “victimization”. It helps out the people who may be afraid, or gives them support in knowing they are not alone and we are here for them.
JiLyn If someone is willing to talk about it openly, you should let them. Many victims keep quite for days to decades. I know I do
Dora This email pisses me off!!! Some people need to mind their own business. It is evident this person is using the deflecting method because they may not want to deal with their own past issues. Patricia Wenskunas use the IGNORE button on this person!!
Deanna Sharing your victimization and survival, has helped other people like me, know it does get better. It’ll never go away… but it does get better
L Marie It is comforting to know that other people have felt and thought some of the same things you have. Also to know and realize that you are not going to stay where you are that you can heal. Hearing of things people tried, gives you ideas of what you can do. We all heal in our own way, not everyone gets over things right away, and sometimes you think you are over something and then it comes right back and hits you in the face. Keep up the good work Patricia your words, thoughts and experience help alot of people.
Diane So what do they want you to do? Hide it away like people were told to do in the past? How far did that get them? I think a mixture of talking about being victimized with a dose of how you reacted, what you did to heal is a good thing. Not all of us have found our way out and are still haunted. To know there can be a good ending or starting is important.
Michael Because I think for every one of these negative responses, you receive 100 positive ones thanking you for showing us that it is possible and that there is hope. Why should you be kept quiet when you are influencing others? Where would we be without someone like you? Just my two cents…
Lisa Good point.
Patricia’s Comment to Email in above Comment Discussion:
Patricia Wenskunas First, let me thank everyone that has read and took the time to respond to this and also thanks to the individual for sending me their honest input and feedback, it is duly noted. I have learned through the years to breath before speaking and responding and for many years I even remained silent because ones would criticize, gossip, blame, shame. judge or intimidate me, but now I feel as if I do not share, defend or speak up then I should get out of the line of work I am in and go to work at Mc. Donald’s. As I always say, I went from a mouse to a bear and back to a mouse and now a bear again and trying this time to find my middle ground, somewhere in between the two. I am not stuck, sad or angry. I want no ones sympathy, never have and never will. And, I will not stop talking, sharing or speaking up. It is what makes me unique, different and able to be called the squeaky wheel, which I so enjoy and giggle at because it makes be proud to know and be told that we are the ones that make changes and all the difference. One of my biggest issues and concerns is for ones to think we should remain silent, because we will break up the family or the abuser will be punished and held accountable. We need to bring awareness, prevention, survival and hopeful healing to our communities and we need to educate many that may have an education in a classroom with a professor and a book, but most likely for the majority of them, it will not help to understand, relate or respect another human being that has an education in life, trauma, victimization and survival! If I personally do not respond or speak up, how can I possibly change society and the scales of justice or even help ones that are in need of respect, dignity, compassion, support, resources, hope, healing and even to have faith for forgiveness, pending each individuals faith, of course. I will not be silent anymore and my hope is to strengthen other survivors to not remain silent and to hold their heads high and stand on a mountain to share, educate and respect ourselves and others. We were victimized, but not defined by the crime, we are survivors surviving and eventually thriving! With Faith, there is Hope…