Is it me? Or is it men?
I’m often asked if I’m married or seeing anyone, and when I say, “No”, the usual response I get is, “Why not?”
There’s a compliment in there somewhere but the question remains – why not? So first, let’s dispel any rumors: I’m not gay – though I have many friends who are – and I’m not a man hater; to the contrary, I love men. But if I love men, then why haven’t I been romantically involved with anyone for over a decade and a half?
Some friends have suggested that I’m too driven and I need to loosen up. This is true; I am consumed by my work and my mission. The same friends have suggested that I intimidate men because I’m an Alpha. Yet others say that I’m damaged goods because of what I suffered through years ago. If true, could it be I have deep fears and insecurities that don’t allow me to open up to men?
Maybe, but the problem with this assessment is that I’ve spent the past 12 years telling other victims of violence that they can rebuild their lives and they can heal and become whole again and lead lives full of passion and purpose; in short, that they can survive and thrive.
So I’m able to help scores of others to heal but not myself? Like a good mechanic who always has a broken car? Okay, so maybe I am scared. Maybe I’m scared of getting involved and getting hurt. And maybe I have unresolved trust issues.
The other thing is this: I am a woman of faith so the Lord is ever present in my life. Is this a turn-off to guys? Probably not all guys but to a lot I’m sure.
At the end of the day, I am who I am. This includes my past, my education, career, income, family, and personality. I still struggle with weight and self image problems. The question arises; does everyone need a significant other? Of course not. I am blessed with life and living. But I do also think that I have a lot to offer, and how nice it would be to share that with Mr. Right.
