A professional athlete in his prime (and whether he likes it or not, a role model for millions of fans) slugs his fiancée with his fist and knocks her out cold in an elevator, then nonchalantly drags her out of the elevator. All of this is caught on video surveillance cameras for the world to see.

The NFL response: a 2-game suspension! What are they kidding me – what an effing joke.

Granted, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell finally reversed himself with a very public and humble apology, but the point is he tried to sweep it under the rug until the video went viral and he found himself surrounded by a fire storm of controversy. The NFL player has since been suspended indefinitely.

Goodell’s initial actions were guided by a mindset that is endemic in our society. This mindset says that in certain circumstances, it’s okay to physically assault or hit a woman, and, in other cases where a woman has been beaten or raped or both; she might have provoked it.

The D.A. who tried my case is a perfect example. I had saran wrap and a towel wrapped around my mouth, was badly beaten and bruised, half naked, emotionally distraught, possibly raped or sexually assaulted (I don’t know for sure since I was knocked out cold), and both my life and my son’s life were threatened. The D.A. used the term unconventional relationship to describe my relationship with the perpetrator who was my personal trainer.

What exactly does that mean? Was I too polite or too nice or was I too open in sharing personal stories about myself and my family? Unconventional relationship is really a term designed to shift some of the blame and shame of this brutal, dishonorable and illegal act violence to the victim – usually a woman and in this case, me. And in doing so, my attacker served about 120 days in jail where if justice had truly been blind, he might have served closer  to 10 to 20 years.

It happens all the time. The skirt was too short so she provoked it syndrome. The problem is that justice is not always doled out evenly. Our system insures that you have a shot at getting justice; it does not insure that you get it. In a perfect world Justice would be blind meaning perfect impartiality, but it falls short much of the time and other times our judicial system is tone deaf.

Recently, a single mother of 2, Shaneen Allen, drove from PA, where she has a permit for a concealed carry, to Atlantic County, New Jersey and was stopped for a minor traffic violation. She told the officer she had a loaded hand gun in the car. Several other states recognize her PA permit but not New Jersey. She was arrested, handcuffed and now faces 3 ½ year of prison time.

Allen was initially accepted into a pretrial intervention program (PTI) which would have allowed her to avoid felony charges and incarceration. However, the Atlantic County Prosecutor’s office put a vigorous stop to this wanting instead to make an example of her.

But when confronted with irrefutable video evidence that NFL star Ray Rice knocked his then fiancée into unconsciousness in the elevator of an Atlantic City Casino, Prosecutor James McClain, from the same office allowed him to enter the PTI program.

A motion to overturn the decision not to allow Allen to enter the PTI program was denied by Superior Court Judge Michael Donio and upon hearing this, Allen’s attorney reportedly said, “Okay, we’ll take a 2-game suspension” – letting the judge know that he knew of the Rice ruling and his inequity in the 2 court rulings.

Apparently, celebrity has its perks even if you are guilty of domestic battery. And apparently Judge Donio and Prosecutor McClain are not as tolerant or as lenient, or as generous of non-celebrity single moms with no criminal history and that have committed no acts of violence.

These are but a couple instances of an ugly double standard in our criminal justice system. Ugly but true. Life’s not always fair . . . but with faith there is hope.

P.W.